I am so drained, exhausted. Everyone is having trouble sleeping so, by extension, I'm having trouble sleeping.
We've got some whopping evidence against Becca but they're so many "if's" attached to it. If the judge will look at something that far in the past, if the judge will see our argument with it, if the lawyer will try and use it, if, by chance, Brandi was actually telling the truth this time and if she'll show up to testify that its all true. If, if, if. If we had done this sooner, if we had the money, if Chris didn't have such confidence issues. If, if, if. If Chris deploys, if Chris doesn't, if he has surgery, if we move, if we don't. If, if, if.
I'm so drained from all of it. I can't find a job . . . story of most Americans these days, and the jobs I can get don't pay near enough to be worth it. I'm so tired, but as I type I can hear Alex, still awake. I know Chris will wake up in the night and start talking. Why must he talk? Last night it was about how cold he was, even though it wasn't really cold. Granted the poor guy's sick but come on, you have to wake me up and give me a running commentary on your hot flashes? Thank god men don't go through menopause, periods, or pregnancys . . . I'd never sleep.
I'm just so drained. I miss my family sometimes, I miss warm weather most of the time, and I miss being within 4 hours of family the most. Ft. Hellhole, New York is not what I thought what it would be. Across the street is a an old brick phone company. People live there now. They are all very loud, very dramatic, and do a lot of drugs. They have public fights about drug dealers, girlfriends and ex-girlfriends, boys, kids, and your usual "OMG MY LYFE SUKS!" fights . . . all right there out in the open for everyone and anyone to hear. Even the younger kids scream "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! BITCH" to their enemies as they walk down the street. Its like an episode of real world and all I ever want to say is get over it and go the fuck inside.
I am just so drained. So tired. I want to go to sleep but I can still hear Alex.
